


Dreams

by Theya



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Breakfast in Bed, Cas crys, Castiel in the Bunker, Established Castiel/Dean Winchester, Fluff, Human Castiel, Longing, M/M, Missing Dean, Protective Dean Winchester, Toaster - Freeform, cas cries, mentioned depression
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-01
Updated: 2018-09-01
Packaged: 2019-07-05 09:41:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,518
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15861087
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Theya/pseuds/Theya
Summary: Deans been missing for 5 years.





	Dreams

**Author's Note:**

> This isn't proof read so please forgive any mistakes!!

t’s been 5 years, since he disappeared, the Righteous Man. Long, painful, cold 5 years that Castiel and Sam have been searching and know Cas is close to giving up. Cas spends his days laying around trying to forget but he’s had no luck. He can remember everything. His green eyes that remind him of grass pushing its way through the piles of gritty snow. His freckles that he’d spent counting every time he got a chance. Cas knows exactly how many dean has on his face alone - 147.

His hair that he loves to run hand through to sooth dean when he’s had a nightmare but to be honest Cas’ll run his through his soft hair any chance he gets. Cas remembers how dean blushed a pretty dusty rose everytime he told him how much he loved him and what he is worth but Cas will never forget how they were together, the way they moved around each other was nothing anything anyone had ever seen, they way they didn’t need words to know what the other was thinking, the way they felt when it was only them together alone, the way they could let loose without worrying because of the sheer fact that they were together.

There was something especially heartbreaking about an angel who never sleeps, curled up on his lover’s bed, clutching a pillow to his chest. Cas was almost looking a bit bone and skin, his vessel had began to die. With Cas not using has grace to keep Jimmy healthy, Jimmy looked worn and pallid. Cas didn’t care however, he felt as though he didn’t deserve happiness. How could he? Dean was missing somewhere without anyone. He didn’t know if he was alive or…actually Cas didnt want to think about that. He wouldn’t be able to handle it.

Cas had laid there all night, through the morning and into the night. All Cas could think was Dean was gone. He wasn’t dead, but he wasn’t here, and he wasn’t in control of himself and Cas didn’t know which one was worse. He knew he should be out looking for him, trying to do something. Anything but he couldn’t bring himself to walk around the bunker. A little part of him thought it was better this way because knowing him his help would probably make things worse if he got involved.

Cas got up to play Dean’s gift to him. ‘Dean’s top 13 Zepp Traxx’. It comforted Cas, knowing that Dean had made it specially for him and knowing that it was a little happiness that Dean allowed himself to. As ‘Ramble On’ softly played Cas felt himself nod off.

_**~dream ~** _

Cas woke up early in the morning before the birds could start singing. Cas carefully took Dean’s arm of him, making sure not to wake him, pushed himself out of their bed and quietly tip toed out of their bedroom and into the kitchen. It was their first ever anniversary and Cas was so excited. He’d already planned out the day with a little help from Sam, who ‘coincidentally had to go visit Bobby for the whole day to help him with some translations’. He was sure this was going to be the best celebration Dean ever got.

He had made a list and the first thing was make Dean breakfast in bed. He had spent many hours how to make him the perfect breakfast. One Dean could indulge in. He eventually narrowed in down to two (he had make a list of breakfasts too) - a full English Breakfast or homemade bread and jam. You see Cas woke up at 5 in the morning with a reason. So he can carefully decide without time pressure. He ended up with choosing the full English Breakfast because he realized he would have more satisfaction in Dean eating something that not only Cas made for him lovingly and something he loves all on one plate - meat and carbs- even if it is a heart attack on a plate.

After Cas cooked the bacon and left it on a paper towel to absorb the excess oil, he went to the toaster to make toast. Cas was very excited to use as Dean had taught him how to use it a few days before. He carefully put the sliced bread into the toaster and set the timer on the side. He then turned away to put the bacon onto the plate along with the egg, tomatoes, hash brown, sausages and mushrooms. He turned back round just in time for the toast to pop out.

“ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH”

Dean runs in, with gun in hand, his dirty blond hair a mess and found Cas in a corner of the kitchen looking terrified with two pieces of bread next to him. Dean slowly put his gun down on the table, with a confused expression, not noticing the plate of food and his eye on both Cas and the pieces of toast.

“What happened Cas? You alright?”

“You never said they flew out” Cas whispers

“What are you talking bout cas?”

“The bread Dean! You never said they flew out!”

Dean rolled his eyes and helped Cas up on to a chair. It was then that he noticed the plate of food and as much as he wanted to ask what he decided he should comfort Cas who was now crying quietly with his face in his arms and his shoulders hunched.

“Cas baby. Come on, whats wrong ”

“Today is our anniversary. I planned the perfect day for us. Sam went to Bobby’s. Well not really Bobby’s, he went out to meet a girl. Anyway, i made you breakfast to give you in bed, that was the first thing but then the stupid bread popped out the stupid machine and i woke you and i can't give you the surprise and now I've ruined everything!”.

By this point Cas was crying loudly with no signs of stopping any time soon.

“No you haven’t ruined anything. I love that you’re doing this for for me Cas. Honestly and it’s 6 in the morning so lets just make the toast together and eat then do whatever you’ve planned because we’ve got ages!”

Cas looked up at Dean in the dimly lit room.

“You promise Dean? You’re not just saying it?”

“Promise. I truly am excited to be with you.”

Dean leaned in and looking into Cas' eyes he told him how happy and surprised that Cas was doing this and how much he loves him. Without breaking eye contact Dean brushed his lips against Cas’. Dean tasted like peppermint and Cas couldn’t get enough of it. Cas felt weak in the knees as Dean pressed harder against him and he found himself walking backwards until he was pressed against the edge of the counter top. Dean ran his fingers through Cas’ hair and the other hand, he placed on Cas’ hip and pulled him closer towards him not wanting any space between them.

Neither of them wanted to pull away but sadly breathing got in the way. Dean once again looked into Cas’ eyes and told him.

“No moment with you Cas is never ruined ”

_**~dream ~** _

Castiel blinked against the harsh light from the window. It was morning. Cas knew he couldn’t continue like this, he felt pathetic but he knew because Dean would want him to carry on. Not give up so Cas got up, and trudged into their bathroom. He got clean and and shaved for the first time in the 5 years that Dean has been missing. 

Well 5 years 6 months and 21 days but Cas wasn’t counting. He made their bed and cleaned their room. He wanted, or needed would be a better choice of word, for everything to at least look normal. He remembered always telling Dean to help clean but he never would. It brought a smile to his face, again first time Cas’s smiled in a while.

While putting away vinyls, he remembered Sam. Cas felt bad for leaving Sam. Dean was his brother and Sam wasn’t or didn’t seem to be as bothered as Cas was. And who was he compared to Sam he thought. Compared to Sam he wasn’t anything. He’d only known Sam and Dean for 13 years but they’d been together for 35 years through everything, the apocalypse, Amara, Leviathans and closing the Gates of Hell. Compared to that Cas felt that he was an outsider, a stranger. 

He hadn’t talked to Sam in a long while, he hadn’t talked to anyone in a while. He’d turned off his angel radio as Dean would put it. They were mocking him, jeering at him. For being weak over a human and Cas couldn’t handle it. Castiel, an angel of the Lord, an angel who had lived for millenniums, an angel who had defied heaven and succeeded, was weak over a measly human. But now he decided he wasn’t going to weep about and lie around anywhere. He was going to find Dean Winchester and he will not stop until he finds him.


End file.
